Like anyone else, I get frustrated when I get doors close in my face, especially those leading to things and places and roles that I believe I will do well in and want.
In times like these, my faith does take a battering. But then I come upon something that so enlightens me and gives me just a little bit more strength to persevere.
http://www.lifevesting.com/blog/2010/03/closed-doors/
I quote using their dogs as an analogy;
"I am the door closer and I do it with good reason. I’m closing the door to prevent them from making bad choices, to protect them from harm, or so they can fulfill their purpose in our family. (How’s that for a 3 point sermon all beginning with p – how long have I been in a Baptist church??)
I close a door to keep my overweight older dog in the room where I provide the food that best meets his needs. This also prevents him from eating the puppy food in the room where my puppy eats. If he had access to that little bowl of calories the puppy needs, he would have a blistful dining experience eating the puppy chow, but it could cost him his health. The puppy would also love eating the adult dog’s food on the other side of his door, but again, it would not provide him with the nutrients a puppy needs.
My front door stays closed to my dogs for their protection, too. On the safe side of that door is warmth, comfort, and those who love them. On the other side of that door is a street where cars don’t always stop for short little dogs they can’t see. There is also a very large bird living nearby – “seeking whom he may devour” – like one of the unfortunate squirrels my husband saw him carry away to his treetop nest. That is not to say, however, that they never get to enter that “outside world” – but they only go through the front door with a leash I am firmly gripping and through the back door when we’re keeping a close eye on them. They have no idea. They’re dogs. We’re not."
It is yet another lesson learnt.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Updates to my job search...
On Easter Sunday, I was given an opportunity to interview for a company I liked for what seemed like my dream job. I thought I did very well during the interview. I had the attitude, skills and experience necessary for the job.
Yesterday, I was rejected for the position in an e-mail. I was really upset for like 45 mins because I really thought that the job was a perfect fit. Then I picked myself up, dusted my feet and went online to look for other positions.
This morning, I woke up early and decided that I should work out my unhappiness and disappointment with a good long run. It looked like it was going to storm but I went out anyway. The weather held up and I ran/walked with all the energy I had despite fighting a sore throat and a slight fever.
By the time I came back, my endorphins had kicked in and I felt pretty good about myself.
Exercise is a most excellent way to vent. I had forgotten what it felt like to vent all of life's frustrations by simply hitting the road and running. It was something I used to do regularly 5 years and 15 kgs lighter ago.
Oh, there is a silver lining. I have lost about 2 kg in the last week by running every other morning.
Yesterday, I was rejected for the position in an e-mail. I was really upset for like 45 mins because I really thought that the job was a perfect fit. Then I picked myself up, dusted my feet and went online to look for other positions.
This morning, I woke up early and decided that I should work out my unhappiness and disappointment with a good long run. It looked like it was going to storm but I went out anyway. The weather held up and I ran/walked with all the energy I had despite fighting a sore throat and a slight fever.
By the time I came back, my endorphins had kicked in and I felt pretty good about myself.
Exercise is a most excellent way to vent. I had forgotten what it felt like to vent all of life's frustrations by simply hitting the road and running. It was something I used to do regularly 5 years and 15 kgs lighter ago.
Oh, there is a silver lining. I have lost about 2 kg in the last week by running every other morning.
Tuesday, April 06, 2010
I think I would like for this blog to remain secular and not have it be entirely about my internal struggles with religion and with god.
I need to remind myself that.
Anyway, I am very pleased that Malaysia has finally started awarding scholarships out on merit rather than based on the quota for bumiputeras. It is very late but I hope that it is still yet not too late. For the last 4 decades, Malaysia has been churning out 2nd rate scholars and leaders because of the quota system and the abuses by the priviledged Malays or those linked to UMNO. This has kept out the brightest non-bumi students and underpriviledged malays from the very opportunities they would have needed to become 1st rate scholars in Malaysia.
That these very same Datuks and anak datuks who abuse the system then go to Singapore for medical treatment from the very same Malaysian (Singapore PR) doctors who were denied opportunities for medical school and scholarships because of their race is pure irony.
That locals, if given a choice, would prefer not to have a Malay doctor because they fear that the doctor may not be competent due to the quota system is poetic justice.
I hope it is not too late. Malaysia is still my land of birth and I wish it well.
I need to remind myself that.
Anyway, I am very pleased that Malaysia has finally started awarding scholarships out on merit rather than based on the quota for bumiputeras. It is very late but I hope that it is still yet not too late. For the last 4 decades, Malaysia has been churning out 2nd rate scholars and leaders because of the quota system and the abuses by the priviledged Malays or those linked to UMNO. This has kept out the brightest non-bumi students and underpriviledged malays from the very opportunities they would have needed to become 1st rate scholars in Malaysia.
That these very same Datuks and anak datuks who abuse the system then go to Singapore for medical treatment from the very same Malaysian (Singapore PR) doctors who were denied opportunities for medical school and scholarships because of their race is pure irony.
That locals, if given a choice, would prefer not to have a Malay doctor because they fear that the doctor may not be competent due to the quota system is poetic justice.
I hope it is not too late. Malaysia is still my land of birth and I wish it well.
Happy Easter
Good Friday came and went without incident.
Things went on as normally as they would on Saturday as C passed me the Recruit section of the Newspaper. Instead of waiting for Sunday or Monday morning as is my norm, I spent the afternoon poring over the recruit section only to send out ONE single application.
The application was for a company that I really liked but the description was vague and didn't quite look as if they were looking for someone of my profile. I put in the application anyway which is quite rare given that I am usually pretty selective. Since it was a public holiday long weekend, I didn't expect a reply anytime soon.
Imagine my surprise as I checked my e-mail on sunday (Yes, Easter!) evening to find that I had been asked to attend an interview the very next day for the application that I put in the day before. I found out during the interview that the job was just exactly the one that I had been looking for in the kind of company that I had been looking for is just ... a miracle. There, I've said it...
Why the spot of serendipity happened on Easter Sunday through Monday itself, I have no idea. I am however very grateful for it and I hope and I pray that I get the job.
Thank you, Jesus.
Things went on as normally as they would on Saturday as C passed me the Recruit section of the Newspaper. Instead of waiting for Sunday or Monday morning as is my norm, I spent the afternoon poring over the recruit section only to send out ONE single application.
The application was for a company that I really liked but the description was vague and didn't quite look as if they were looking for someone of my profile. I put in the application anyway which is quite rare given that I am usually pretty selective. Since it was a public holiday long weekend, I didn't expect a reply anytime soon.
Imagine my surprise as I checked my e-mail on sunday (Yes, Easter!) evening to find that I had been asked to attend an interview the very next day for the application that I put in the day before. I found out during the interview that the job was just exactly the one that I had been looking for in the kind of company that I had been looking for is just ... a miracle. There, I've said it...
Why the spot of serendipity happened on Easter Sunday through Monday itself, I have no idea. I am however very grateful for it and I hope and I pray that I get the job.
Thank you, Jesus.
Friday, April 02, 2010
Good Friday
I did a Bible 'dip' yesterday when I was in one of my bad moods. It was an interesting one to say the least I actually felt the 4th finger of my right hand twitch to the last page of the bible to a line that says...
"The Faith Chapter: Hebrews 11:1-40"
That was interesting. Usually when I do bible dips, I often come up with gibberish that I cannot understand. When I turned to the pages with Hebrews 11... I felt the same finger twitch again towards Hebrews 12 instead... This is where I ended up
4In your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. 5And you have forgotten that word of encouragement that addresses you as sons:
"My son, do not make light of the Lord's discipline,
and do not lose heart when he rebukes you,
6because the Lord disciplines those he loves,
and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son."
7Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? 8If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons. 9Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live! 10Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. 11No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.
12Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees. 13"Make level paths for your feet," so that the lame may not be disabled, but rather healed.
So, this is discipline and a test of endurance? That I would have faith...
Anyway, so there I was, alternating between hopeful anticipation and depression at still being unemployed. The magic 8 ball, that had been a gift from darling C had been turned, shaken and played with for all its worth. I was feeling more than a little bit cuckoo.
Anyway, I did a second bible dip sometime after midnight... without realising it, I had been awake through to Good Friday... by playing computer games... I am naughty, I know. I told myself that Good Friday was the day of Jesus' crucifixation and the least I could do was to read one of the passages of the New Testament to commemorate it... I turned to Mark and started reading... this was the passage that really resounded with me.
22"Have faith in God," Jesus answered. 23"I tell you the truth, if anyone says to this mountain, 'Go, throw yourself into the sea,' and does not doubt in his heart but believes that what he says will happen, it will be done for him.
24Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. 25And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins."
*Contented smile*
"The Faith Chapter: Hebrews 11:1-40"
That was interesting. Usually when I do bible dips, I often come up with gibberish that I cannot understand. When I turned to the pages with Hebrews 11... I felt the same finger twitch again towards Hebrews 12 instead... This is where I ended up
4In your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. 5And you have forgotten that word of encouragement that addresses you as sons:
"My son, do not make light of the Lord's discipline,
and do not lose heart when he rebukes you,
6because the Lord disciplines those he loves,
and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son."
7Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? 8If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons. 9Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live! 10Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. 11No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.
12Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees. 13"Make level paths for your feet," so that the lame may not be disabled, but rather healed.
So, this is discipline and a test of endurance? That I would have faith...
Anyway, so there I was, alternating between hopeful anticipation and depression at still being unemployed. The magic 8 ball, that had been a gift from darling C had been turned, shaken and played with for all its worth. I was feeling more than a little bit cuckoo.
Anyway, I did a second bible dip sometime after midnight... without realising it, I had been awake through to Good Friday... by playing computer games... I am naughty, I know. I told myself that Good Friday was the day of Jesus' crucifixation and the least I could do was to read one of the passages of the New Testament to commemorate it... I turned to Mark and started reading... this was the passage that really resounded with me.
22"Have faith in God," Jesus answered. 23"I tell you the truth, if anyone says to this mountain, 'Go, throw yourself into the sea,' and does not doubt in his heart but believes that what he says will happen, it will be done for him.
24Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. 25And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins."
*Contented smile*
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