I am so sick and tired of doing the things I do. Sometimes, I have this odd feeling that I plan too well for the future that I neglect the here and now... and neglect MY needs. My need to be appreciated, to be cared for and my need for the frivolous things in life.
I truly believe that in many ways I live a very regimental life. My weekdays in fixed time blocks are given to work. My weeknights are used for household chores, meeting up with people, exercise (I try) and sufficient sleep (rare). My weekends are alternately scheduled for time to spend with family and friends. I don't have enough ME time. Time where I can rest and do nothing, not think about family problem, not planning the future, not thinking about chores or work... that kind of quality ME time , to do whatever I want to do, guilt free. Heck, I don't even sleep late on Saturdays OR Sundays.
Whenever I start to feel the need for ME time. My travel bug will start to itch. I will want to go off into the big unknown and do my own thing.
Times like these makes me want to resign from my job and take a GAP year. Things aren't bad... I'm just in grave need of a sufficiently long break.
Friday, June 30, 2006
Wednesday, June 28, 2006
Cleaning out the Closets
I've been cleaning up the closets in my life. Not the literal ones... but rather, the figurative closets of emotions and relationships. There are relationships in my life that should be buried and gone. Then there are those that need to be processed and discarded.
I think I have developed too much baggage in my emotional closet. I need to unload.
Unfortunately, unloading often requires that the other person (be it a friend, family, acquaintance, whatever) cooperate with me.
Still, it is a necessary and worthwhile thing to do.
I think I have developed too much baggage in my emotional closet. I need to unload.
Unfortunately, unloading often requires that the other person (be it a friend, family, acquaintance, whatever) cooperate with me.
Still, it is a necessary and worthwhile thing to do.
Monday, June 26, 2006
Being ill is never easy
Getting life back on track after a several days of tackling a persistent flu isn't easy. I'm not as efficient as I normally would be, neither am I as awake, despite my valiant attempts to be. I'm not getting it but still I try.
Someone in the office has sent me an article from the Korean Times for my causal reading. I wonder who that person is. I have read the article about company Unions but it really doesn't have any bearing on my current portfolio. Strange, the sender must know me in person. Otherwise, how would he know whom to address it to?
And why Korean Times? Why not something from the Straits Times or Today? Something that is spatially relevant? Why a Korean article? I don't work in Korea. I do not know many koreans... at least I do not count them as friends. And why me?
Strange. But then... stranger things have happened and continue to happen.
There is that blowout post that I wrote last week in my disgruntled attempt to come into grips with my temper over the actions of a very persistent Lesbian admirer. I believe the person has finally gotten it into her head that I do not like the attention I was getting and I believe that she has finally decided to leave me well alone.
Some of my friends find my "Love" problems fascinating and funny whilst others share my horror and disgust. I say it not without a measure of seriousness. Yes, I feel utter disgust at this person especially at her evasiveness when it came to admission of her preferences. Her actions were clear of course... it was that of a butch, a lesbian.... but the bugger refused to admit it. Said that she didn't identify??
What-the-f**k does you don't identify mean? It can either be a Yes, a NO or she's Bisexual. It cannot be "I don't identify". She's confused maybe.
I sought counsel from an openly Lesbian friend. Haiz... that was a lesson in futility.
YS came up with the answer that "u are too attractive liao... tats y she dun wan to give up". redundant.
I pray that butch isn't trying to cause an issue between a mutual friend and I. Our problems are our own and I think that putting a mutual friend in a difficult position is not the way. I am difficult, yes. But that is in response to her overtly friendly advances. Pulling out from volunteering in an event is not earth shattering enough to cause you to be issued with a warning letter from your boss. How do I know? I spoke to her boss today regarding the matter. HC was in no way angry. She was reasonable and asked for some time to get a replacement. All perfectly reasonable and aboveboard.
I asked SL what she would have done had she been in my shoes. After some consideration, I think she agreed that what I did was perfectly reasonable and standard protocol.
Anyway, I think this issue will continue to unfold further.
Someone in the office has sent me an article from the Korean Times for my causal reading. I wonder who that person is. I have read the article about company Unions but it really doesn't have any bearing on my current portfolio. Strange, the sender must know me in person. Otherwise, how would he know whom to address it to?
And why Korean Times? Why not something from the Straits Times or Today? Something that is spatially relevant? Why a Korean article? I don't work in Korea. I do not know many koreans... at least I do not count them as friends. And why me?
Strange. But then... stranger things have happened and continue to happen.
There is that blowout post that I wrote last week in my disgruntled attempt to come into grips with my temper over the actions of a very persistent Lesbian admirer. I believe the person has finally gotten it into her head that I do not like the attention I was getting and I believe that she has finally decided to leave me well alone.
Some of my friends find my "Love" problems fascinating and funny whilst others share my horror and disgust. I say it not without a measure of seriousness. Yes, I feel utter disgust at this person especially at her evasiveness when it came to admission of her preferences. Her actions were clear of course... it was that of a butch, a lesbian.... but the bugger refused to admit it. Said that she didn't identify??
What-the-f**k does you don't identify mean? It can either be a Yes, a NO or she's Bisexual. It cannot be "I don't identify". She's confused maybe.
I sought counsel from an openly Lesbian friend. Haiz... that was a lesson in futility.
YS came up with the answer that "u are too attractive liao... tats y she dun wan to give up". redundant.
I pray that butch isn't trying to cause an issue between a mutual friend and I. Our problems are our own and I think that putting a mutual friend in a difficult position is not the way. I am difficult, yes. But that is in response to her overtly friendly advances. Pulling out from volunteering in an event is not earth shattering enough to cause you to be issued with a warning letter from your boss. How do I know? I spoke to her boss today regarding the matter. HC was in no way angry. She was reasonable and asked for some time to get a replacement. All perfectly reasonable and aboveboard.
I asked SL what she would have done had she been in my shoes. After some consideration, I think she agreed that what I did was perfectly reasonable and standard protocol.
Anyway, I think this issue will continue to unfold further.
Friday, June 23, 2006
Never eat and shit in the same place
(Note: This is one ANGRY post. No point trying to comment here. I'm just using this to blow off steam)
Oi! Butch! You know who you are. Stop pushing my buttons will you?
I am not and will never be GAY.
Neither am I a bisexual.
Why can’t you see that I am not interested in you and will NEVER be interested in you?
Leave me ALONE.
Stop your “overly friendly” practices. I don’t want to go to
- China
- Hong Kong
- Macau
- Tioman
- Star Cruises
- Japan OR
Holidays of any kind with YOU!
I have only known you for a few months. I don’t know much about you, neither do you know much about ME! Stop kidding yourself. We are NOT close friends. We are only ACQUAINTANCES.
I don’t want you to offer to pay my condo downpayment, neither do I want to share a condo/apartment with you, regardless of whether the condo/apartment is in Singapore or elsewhere.
I don’t want to go sailing with you even if you have a f**king boat license.
I am not interested in playing golf. Not even if you were to lend me your clubs, I still will NOT go.
I don’t want to go to Fitness First with you. I don’t intend to buy a gym package, I don’t want to go so please stop bugging me. I don’t care even if you can bring guestsand would like to invite me.
Stop inviting me out for dinners or weekend outings every other day. I will not be within 10 metres of you if I can help it. It doesn’t make things better if you keep offering to pay for me. It just makes it weird.
Stop offering to do stuff for me like helping me to change my room lights. I am female. You are female… ugh… weird.
Stop your stupid innuendos about not buying a car because you don’t have anybody to drive around. If you don’t want a car, just say so… I hate being made the subject of innuendoes. For that matter, stop your silly innuendoes about not having someone to stay with if you buy your own apartment.
YOU are downright creepy.
Get your f***king sexual preferences in order. You are one confused person. Your behaviour is not called “being friendly”, it’s called sexual harassment.
When you can’t even be truthful to yourself about who you are or what you are, I find that I cannot respect you as a person. Telling me you don’t “identify” with GAYS when the way you behave is so obviously Lesbian, it’s so ridiculous, it’s laughable.
When you cross the border between personal into the professional realm, you better watch your step. You are so going to get busted if you piss me off. I never asked you to volunteer. Neither did I promise you that if you did volunteer, you’d get to work with me. So don’t give me that, “I’m busy and I can’t help” business at the 11th hour. I will not persuade you. I will simply throw the rule book at your BOSS. I won’t even bother to deal with you directly.
You peon.
Hasn’t anybody taught you never to eat and shit in the same place?
*pissed*
Oi! Butch! You know who you are. Stop pushing my buttons will you?
I am not and will never be GAY.
Neither am I a bisexual.
Why can’t you see that I am not interested in you and will NEVER be interested in you?
Leave me ALONE.
Stop your “overly friendly” practices. I don’t want to go to
- China
- Hong Kong
- Macau
- Tioman
- Star Cruises
- Japan OR
Holidays of any kind with YOU!
I have only known you for a few months. I don’t know much about you, neither do you know much about ME! Stop kidding yourself. We are NOT close friends. We are only ACQUAINTANCES.
I don’t want you to offer to pay my condo downpayment, neither do I want to share a condo/apartment with you, regardless of whether the condo/apartment is in Singapore or elsewhere.
I don’t want to go sailing with you even if you have a f**king boat license.
I am not interested in playing golf. Not even if you were to lend me your clubs, I still will NOT go.
I don’t want to go to Fitness First with you. I don’t intend to buy a gym package, I don’t want to go so please stop bugging me. I don’t care even if you can bring guestsand would like to invite me.
Stop inviting me out for dinners or weekend outings every other day. I will not be within 10 metres of you if I can help it. It doesn’t make things better if you keep offering to pay for me. It just makes it weird.
Stop offering to do stuff for me like helping me to change my room lights. I am female. You are female… ugh… weird.
Stop your stupid innuendos about not buying a car because you don’t have anybody to drive around. If you don’t want a car, just say so… I hate being made the subject of innuendoes. For that matter, stop your silly innuendoes about not having someone to stay with if you buy your own apartment.
YOU are downright creepy.
Get your f***king sexual preferences in order. You are one confused person. Your behaviour is not called “being friendly”, it’s called sexual harassment.
When you can’t even be truthful to yourself about who you are or what you are, I find that I cannot respect you as a person. Telling me you don’t “identify” with GAYS when the way you behave is so obviously Lesbian, it’s so ridiculous, it’s laughable.
When you cross the border between personal into the professional realm, you better watch your step. You are so going to get busted if you piss me off. I never asked you to volunteer. Neither did I promise you that if you did volunteer, you’d get to work with me. So don’t give me that, “I’m busy and I can’t help” business at the 11th hour. I will not persuade you. I will simply throw the rule book at your BOSS. I won’t even bother to deal with you directly.
You peon.
Hasn’t anybody taught you never to eat and shit in the same place?
*pissed*
Wednesday, June 07, 2006
I know now that I am pretty smart!
Your IQ score is: 138
This means that based on your answers, your IQ score is between 128 and 138. Most people's IQs are between 70 and 130. In fact, 95% of all people have IQs within that range. 68% of people score between 80 and 120.
How do you relate to other IQ test takers?
Your Intellectual Type Is: VISIONARY PHILOSOPHER
Your mind's strengths allow you to think ahead of the game — to imagine or anticipate what should come next in just about any situation. Because you're equally skilled in the numerical and verbal universes of the brain, you can draw from multiple sources of information to come up with great ideas. The timelessness of your vision and the balance between your various skills are what make you a Visionary Philosopher. In addition to your strengths in math and linguistics, you have a knack for matching and anticipating patterns. These skills and your uncanny ability to detect the underlying blueprint of most of life's situations add to your Visionary Philosopher mind.
Two philosophers who share the same combination of skills you possess are Plato and Benedict Spinoza. Spinoza had insight into how things worked in the world. He could envision a future based on the patterns he saw in life, and used mathematical logic as a structure within which to present his philosophical arguments. With that base he was able to use logic to formulate his theories. Borrowing from his linguistic strengths he wrote eloquent texts and, therefore, was able to bring his philosophical ideas and structure to the rest of the world. His story exemplifies the talents that are present in the Visionary Philosopher intellectual type. Whatever you decide to do in life, you've got a powerful mix of skills and insight that can be applied in a wide variety of ways. You can expand your mind to understand a situation. Your strong balance of math and verbal skills will help you explain things to others. For example, if you were on an archaeological dig and discovered an object, you could probably use your deductive powers to figure out not only what the object was but also how it was used. Given your ability to put things together, you are more than capable of inventing a life plan that is in synch with your perspective on how things were, how they are, and how they might be one day.
1. Mathematical Intelligence
You scored in the 100th percentile on the mathematical intelligence scale.This means that you scored higher than 90% - 100% of people who took the test and that 0% - 10% scored higher than you did.
Your mathematical intelligence score represents your combined ability to reason and calculate. You scored relatively high, which means you're probably the one your friends look to when splitting the lunch bill or calculating your waitresses' tip. You may or may not be known as a math whiz, but number crunching might come a little easier to you than it does others.
2. Visual-Spatial Intelligence
You scored in the 100th percentile on the visual-spatial intelligence scale.This means that you scored higher than 90% - 100% of people who took the test and that 0% - 10% scored higher than you did.
The visual-spatial component of intelligence measures your ability to extract a visual pattern and from that envision what should come next in a sequence. Your score was relatively high, which could mean that you're the one navigating the map when you're on an outing with friends. You have, in some capacity, an ability to think in pictures. Maybe this strength comes out in subtle ways, like how you play chess or form metaphors.
3. Linguistic Intelligence
You scored in the 100th percentile on the linguistic intelligence scale.This means that you scored higher than 90% - 100% of people who took the test and that 0% - 10% scored higher than you did.
Linguistic abilities include reading, writing and communicating with words. The test measures knowledge of vocabulary, ease in completing word analogies and the ability to think critically about a statement based on its semantic structure. Your score was relatively high, which could mean you know your way around a bookstore and maybe like to bandy about the occasional 25-cent word to impress friends.
4. Logical Intelligence
Your Logical PercentileYou scored in the 100th percentile on the logical intelligence scale.This means that you scored higher than 90% - 100% of people who took the test and that 0% - 10% scored higher than you did.
The questions determine the extent to which you use reasoning and logic to determine the best solution to a problem. Your logic score was relatively high, which could mean that when the car breaks down, your friends look to you to help figure out not only what's wrong, but how to fix it and how you're going to get to the next gas station.
In conclusion, I am smart. No doubt about it. Only thing is, I should develop to be more humble and wise.
Jubes
This means that based on your answers, your IQ score is between 128 and 138. Most people's IQs are between 70 and 130. In fact, 95% of all people have IQs within that range. 68% of people score between 80 and 120.
How do you relate to other IQ test takers?
Your Intellectual Type Is: VISIONARY PHILOSOPHER
Your mind's strengths allow you to think ahead of the game — to imagine or anticipate what should come next in just about any situation. Because you're equally skilled in the numerical and verbal universes of the brain, you can draw from multiple sources of information to come up with great ideas. The timelessness of your vision and the balance between your various skills are what make you a Visionary Philosopher. In addition to your strengths in math and linguistics, you have a knack for matching and anticipating patterns. These skills and your uncanny ability to detect the underlying blueprint of most of life's situations add to your Visionary Philosopher mind.
Two philosophers who share the same combination of skills you possess are Plato and Benedict Spinoza. Spinoza had insight into how things worked in the world. He could envision a future based on the patterns he saw in life, and used mathematical logic as a structure within which to present his philosophical arguments. With that base he was able to use logic to formulate his theories. Borrowing from his linguistic strengths he wrote eloquent texts and, therefore, was able to bring his philosophical ideas and structure to the rest of the world. His story exemplifies the talents that are present in the Visionary Philosopher intellectual type. Whatever you decide to do in life, you've got a powerful mix of skills and insight that can be applied in a wide variety of ways. You can expand your mind to understand a situation. Your strong balance of math and verbal skills will help you explain things to others. For example, if you were on an archaeological dig and discovered an object, you could probably use your deductive powers to figure out not only what the object was but also how it was used. Given your ability to put things together, you are more than capable of inventing a life plan that is in synch with your perspective on how things were, how they are, and how they might be one day.
1. Mathematical Intelligence
You scored in the 100th percentile on the mathematical intelligence scale.This means that you scored higher than 90% - 100% of people who took the test and that 0% - 10% scored higher than you did.
Your mathematical intelligence score represents your combined ability to reason and calculate. You scored relatively high, which means you're probably the one your friends look to when splitting the lunch bill or calculating your waitresses' tip. You may or may not be known as a math whiz, but number crunching might come a little easier to you than it does others.
2. Visual-Spatial Intelligence
You scored in the 100th percentile on the visual-spatial intelligence scale.This means that you scored higher than 90% - 100% of people who took the test and that 0% - 10% scored higher than you did.
The visual-spatial component of intelligence measures your ability to extract a visual pattern and from that envision what should come next in a sequence. Your score was relatively high, which could mean that you're the one navigating the map when you're on an outing with friends. You have, in some capacity, an ability to think in pictures. Maybe this strength comes out in subtle ways, like how you play chess or form metaphors.
3. Linguistic Intelligence
You scored in the 100th percentile on the linguistic intelligence scale.This means that you scored higher than 90% - 100% of people who took the test and that 0% - 10% scored higher than you did.
Linguistic abilities include reading, writing and communicating with words. The test measures knowledge of vocabulary, ease in completing word analogies and the ability to think critically about a statement based on its semantic structure. Your score was relatively high, which could mean you know your way around a bookstore and maybe like to bandy about the occasional 25-cent word to impress friends.
4. Logical Intelligence
Your Logical PercentileYou scored in the 100th percentile on the logical intelligence scale.This means that you scored higher than 90% - 100% of people who took the test and that 0% - 10% scored higher than you did.
The questions determine the extent to which you use reasoning and logic to determine the best solution to a problem. Your logic score was relatively high, which could mean that when the car breaks down, your friends look to you to help figure out not only what's wrong, but how to fix it and how you're going to get to the next gas station.
In conclusion, I am smart. No doubt about it. Only thing is, I should develop to be more humble and wise.
Jubes
Monday, April 03, 2006
My Patron Angel
| Raziel So you need Healing (50%), Knowledge (60%), Inspiration (20%), and Strength (43%)? |
| Archangel Raziel is the Angel of mystery, mystery, and more mystery. Luckily, he is willing to share his secrets with mankind whom he brings the gift of wisdom and knowledge. He inspires us to learn from our experiences as we go through the different stages of our lives, and to work to improve our understanding at all times. Raziel offers special support to those who seek to learn, and encourages us to ask questions so that we may illuminate our mind and spirit and come to know the truth about the wonders of life. He is a magnificent teacher who helps us grasp complex matters with ease. At the same time, he guards knowledge from those that are not ready to receive it; there is a time for everything, and disturbing the order by rushing and forcing things against their natural flow has seldom done anyone good. That’s why Raziel also teaches us to study with “more haste, less speed.” Raziel the personification of divine wisdom and the Patron Angel of those who wish to understand esoteric material, engage in alchemy or manifestation, or just going through an especially tough time filled with sleepless nights of studying. Also, Raziel presents us with the ability to unlock our subconscious knowledge and memories through meditation and hypnosis. A Bit of Trivia: Raziel is officially known as the Chief of the Supreme Mysteries. He is the legendary author of "The Book of the Archangel Raziel", wherein all celestial and earthly knowledge is set down, which was said to be given to Adam so he may learn all there is to know about life and the secrets of the universe. Raziel appears quite tall and has large sky-blue wings. He is the ruler of the planet Neptune. Jophiel - Michael - Israfel - Raziel - Ariel - Uriel - Gabriel - Raphael - Zadkiel - Jeremiel |
 |
My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:
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| Link: The Angel Test written by Nitsuki on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test |
Monday, February 06, 2006
CHANGE...
To many people, there is nothing that's is more constant in this life than change. There are times, when I think that hey... I'm just cruising along! But, before I know it, something happens and WHAM! it hits me right smack in the face.
I am having one of those precipitious moments again. I think it is getting much too frequent for my liking. the last year has been like a series of roller coaster rides... you go along slowly, thinking that hey, I'm getting the hang of things and then BAM! the carpet is pulled out from right under your feet.
Too many such moments. I'm alternating between knowing, caring and doing too much and yet, not enough.
I think I'm getting more neurotic as I age.
I hate crowds and this city.
The endless incessant noise irks me.
At the office where it should be relatively quiet,
I can hear the photocopier and printer and the phone and my colleagues speaking.
At "home",
If you'll call that little hole that I rent a "home",
there is noise all around
All the time
There are the noises of construction;
busy people working like bees earning their living but irritating the heck out of me.
Then there is traffic.
The speeding bikes and cars.
The reversing lorries and their beepers.
Cars and their horns at the market or carpark. the occasional car alarm triggering
And there are the people noises
A mother yelling at her child
A couple arguing with raised voices
A neighbours vacuum cleaner
Someone using a drill on their walls, maybe hanging up a painting or doing simple works.
In the distance, drift the sounds of a piano.
It is the scales... do re mi fa so la ti do... over and over and over
God, I hated playing the scales.
I never saw the point.
Of playing scales.
I am turning deaf, or at least I hope I am
Sometimes.
Even within myself, there is noise
No clarity
too many doubts
too many fears
Perhaps the noise on the outside reflects the noise inside.
Still I would have liked it quiet
To reflect,
to think
to rest
to wail
Lying on my bed pondering over things of which I have control
and things beyond my control
and things which are in between...
People say in life we choose.
Our mindsets change everything
and nothing...
I am having one of those precipitious moments again. I think it is getting much too frequent for my liking. the last year has been like a series of roller coaster rides... you go along slowly, thinking that hey, I'm getting the hang of things and then BAM! the carpet is pulled out from right under your feet.
Too many such moments. I'm alternating between knowing, caring and doing too much and yet, not enough.
I think I'm getting more neurotic as I age.
I hate crowds and this city.
The endless incessant noise irks me.
At the office where it should be relatively quiet,
I can hear the photocopier and printer and the phone and my colleagues speaking.
At "home",
If you'll call that little hole that I rent a "home",
there is noise all around
All the time
There are the noises of construction;
busy people working like bees earning their living but irritating the heck out of me.
Then there is traffic.
The speeding bikes and cars.
The reversing lorries and their beepers.
Cars and their horns at the market or carpark. the occasional car alarm triggering
And there are the people noises
A mother yelling at her child
A couple arguing with raised voices
A neighbours vacuum cleaner
Someone using a drill on their walls, maybe hanging up a painting or doing simple works.
In the distance, drift the sounds of a piano.
It is the scales... do re mi fa so la ti do... over and over and over
God, I hated playing the scales.
I never saw the point.
Of playing scales.
I am turning deaf, or at least I hope I am
Sometimes.
Even within myself, there is noise
No clarity
too many doubts
too many fears
Perhaps the noise on the outside reflects the noise inside.
Still I would have liked it quiet
To reflect,
to think
to rest
to wail
Lying on my bed pondering over things of which I have control
and things beyond my control
and things which are in between...
People say in life we choose.
Our mindsets change everything
and nothing...
Thursday, February 02, 2006
My 2nd weblog!
I had earlier decided to create this blogger account because I wanted to be able to make comments on S's Blog. Now, I reckon that since I got an account, I might as well play with it... hehe
So here it is, my 1st posting on Blogger
Jubes
So here it is, my 1st posting on Blogger
Jubes
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