CHANGE...

To many people, there is nothing that's is more constant in this life than change. There are times, when I think that hey... I'm just cruising along! But, before I know it, something happens and WHAM! it hits me right smack in the face.

I am having one of those precipitious moments again. I think it is getting much too frequent for my liking. the last year has been like a series of roller coaster rides... you go along slowly, thinking that hey, I'm getting the hang of things and then BAM! the carpet is pulled out from right under your feet.

Too many such moments. I'm alternating between knowing, caring and doing too much and yet, not enough.

I think I'm getting more neurotic as I age.

I hate crowds and this city.
The endless incessant noise irks me.

At the office where it should be relatively quiet,
I can hear the photocopier and printer and the phone and my colleagues speaking.

At "home",
If you'll call that little hole that I rent a "home",
there is noise all around
All the time


There are the noises of construction;
busy people working like bees earning their living but irritating the heck out of me.
Then there is traffic.
The speeding bikes and cars.
The reversing lorries and their beepers.
Cars and their horns at the market or carpark. the occasional car alarm triggering

And there are the people noises
A mother yelling at her child
A couple arguing with raised voices
A neighbours vacuum cleaner
Someone using a drill on their walls, maybe hanging up a painting or doing simple works.

In the distance, drift the sounds of a piano.
It is the scales... do re mi fa so la ti do... over and over and over
God, I hated playing the scales.
I never saw the point.
Of playing scales.

I am turning deaf, or at least I hope I am
Sometimes.

Even within myself, there is noise
No clarity
too many doubts
too many fears
Perhaps the noise on the outside reflects the noise inside.

Still I would have liked it quiet

To reflect,
to think
to rest
to wail

Lying on my bed pondering over things of which I have control
and things beyond my control
and things which are in between...

People say in life we choose.
Our mindsets change everything
and nothing...