picking up the pieces...

*sighs*

I have decided to stop moping around and just Trust.

Yet again. It's strange. Absolutely nothing has changed on the outside but this morning, I just felt different inside.

Yes the wait is still mind numbing and painful. Against all odds, doubt and inner turmoil, I still have faith.

Strange ain't it? When just a few days ago, I was having a major meltdown.

Maybe something good that I can immediately recognise and appreciate is coming my way. Why am I being so specific about being able to recognise and appreciate it? Well, I believe that as human beings we cannot begin to understand God's ways and he sometimes gives us prolonged periods of trials to test us.

For one, I would not want anymore trials for the moment, thank you very much. My spirit is very battered. I would like to have some outright good news that I can be cheered about.

I am but a weak human being, reconciled to try my best in this world but knowing full well that I am not intended for "greatness". My hopes and aspirations are really common and mundane.

All I want right now is to pick up the pieces and let my life get back on track.

Is that too much to ask?

I need Silence

I have been trying to pull myself out of this funk.

I was told that I pray too much and listen too little... because God has been answering my prayers. Is it? I neither see nor feel it. My situation hasn't changed. My mood is getting worse. There is so much noise in my head, most of it isn't good stuff. Does that qualify as prayers answered?

Today, another load of news has hit me. Under normal circumstances, it would just be a statement of fact and I would just shrug things off. In my current fragile emotional state though, it feels like yet another unkind slap has landed...

In the rare moments that I am able to look outside of myself, it could be that I have been given opportunities for community and fellowship. Ah, but I really don't want that at all. I am tired of talking and not seeing an end to my current situation. I don't want to hear the same old suggestions. Having people around makes me more unhappy because I have to do the song and dance and convince people that I am ok, which, if I am being totally honest about it, I am not.

That is why I prefer to be alone. At least I don't get my wounds reopened by well-meaning but hurtful words. I don't want to do the song and dance and I am tired of explaining to others. Being a hermit allows me to detach a little from all the pain and disappointment.

Building up the courage to go on.

It was barely a few days ago that I had that massive meltdown both in terms of my mood and my faith. It was the biggest doubts that had ever come over my faith, bar none.

I can't say that things have improved or that my situation has changed in any way. It hasn't.

Somehow, after all the crying... and the venting posts (there were 2 posts) online... rather than burdening the hearts of my loved ones further... I have finally managed to calm down. Not a lot, but a little bit.

I could at least see a tiny silver lining... just barely...

I still don't understand why things have happened this way and why despite all my attempts I have still failed. I am calmer now and will persevere.

I still have doubts on and off about God. It really depends on how I feel at any given time. Disappointment, grief and anger are predominant. Acceptance is occasional. Hope unfortunately is on its last leg.

I have stopped praying for more faith or courage or strength... all I ask for now, if I do pray is a very prescriptive prayer where I ask for what I want in my life. It was very different from several months ago when I asked God to show me and lead me on His Way, in His path, all the highfalutin ideals of being a good christian. After the maddening wait and all the obstacles... my prayers have changed and focused on the physical, the here and now. It has become "i wanna... i wanna... i wanna..."

It is both curious and sad.

I am aware of course that people can choose to be happy and choose to have hope... however... it gets very difficult to do so when life delivers 'lemons' for a prolonged period. As a person, I do collapse under the weight of the 'lemons', burdens... whatever...

And please, don't give me the Bullshit about casting it to the Lord. I have honest to goodness tried my level best to so umpteenth times and still, here I am, upset, unhappy and distinctly angry.

Ah, I am very angry at God... oh good. That means I do still believe in Him. You can't be angry at God if you do not believe in Him.

This is one of the good days.

Would you Trust Him?

This is day 2 of me putting my roller coaster mood swings and thoughts online.

Yesterday, I admitted out loud that yeah, I did have doubts whether God existed. It is easy to believe if you have been taught such and your life is relatively smooth sailing. Not so easy when you are undergoing all series of trials and tribulations.

While my life isn't the most terrible or most pitiful, it isn't a comfortable and easy one either.This current slump (maybe) / life-perception altering period has given me too much time to think and surf the net about life, about God, about what I want versus what He wants.

What if God's way is NOT my way? Will I Trust Him?

The common thing to read about online is that God knows things that we don't and he knows better. He is God. You get stories and passages written from the bible about the Exodus and about Job. God had already provided for Isreal... but it kept it just out of their reach.

What's the deal about that anyway? Okay, so the people complained to Moses about the lack of water. Did You need to make the provisions just out of reach... just over the hill by the way. As God, you would know the exact point that the people would break... so it stands to reason that God knew that the people would run out of patience right before... so why do it? Why not just give the provisions right BEFORE they started complaining?

I also never quite understood the story about Job either. God allowed Satan to take away everything He owned... all his belongings and his 10 children. Huh? Then he allowed Satan to literally torture Job and make him sick. What's the deal here? To prove that Job had patience? For whom? Why did God need to prove Job's patience through torture? Ok... of course, the story ended with Job supposedly getting back all and more than he has lost and living to a ripe old age... as if that will make everything all right... it would be complete bullshit.

Imagine losing 10 children at one go... all your life's work, your wealth, your health. That's just unnecessary cruelty. I can imagine just how much emotional pain Job would have suffered and continue to suffer... even after his wealth was reinstated / doubled, even after he had another 10 children. He would be massively damaged and hurt inside. Try making that better... I don't think that there is anything that would work. No balm, no magic, no Godly pearls of wisdom can undo that kind of pain.

Ok. Back to that question... Will I trust Him?

Quite frankly, I don't know. Just as I don't know whether he exists. I'd like to think he exists and I'd like to trust Him. I'd like to be able to say... hey, have it Your way, I will accept it and be Happy... but what if, I am not?

If I trust Him will I get something so good that it is beyond my wildest imagination? errr.... see? I don't know that it'll happen. So if I were to trust, I would have to trust blindly... and that's really hard especially with this thing called real life.

Human beings live in real life. We watch TV, surf the net and see all the tragedies in full color and HD, where available. We see the effects of the earthquakes in Haiti and Chile, hurricanes, tsunami's, war, terrorism...the suffering of the people, the deaths... basically all the nasty stuff that was allowed to happen.

You see, the promises of God... well, that's not so obvious. I'm not even sure He exists so it is really really really super hard to trust. What if I make the attempt and nothing happens... or a tragedy occurs? That would be just way sad.

Some would say that life is suffering and we weren't meant to be here and that we were meant to eventually go "home". Ok, this is the part where Heaven and Hell comes in...

Ok, if hell is eternal suffering, of course I wouldn't want to go there and suffer some more.

But heaven? Does going to heaven mean eternal happiness? Satan was an angel right? If he was so eternally happy being in the Kingdom of God, why did he rebel? Why did he not stay there and be eternally happy with God Himself? Why would an ex-angel be so unhappy if he were in a place where everyone was eternally happy?

My point is... I don't know if I have enough faith to trust in God blindly without knowing what lies ahead. What I see in real life seems to say that... even if you trust and believe, you are going to suffer still... maybe even more. The idea of the slim possibility of going into heaven after we have willingly suffered doesn't seem all that great either since angels too can be unhappy enough to rebel.

So... if I am suffering here on earth and even if I believe in God... and the nett outcome is that I still suffer... what then is the point of having faith?

I read somewhere that we will not be able to comprehend all of God's will... Yep, I believe that. But in my tiny sliver of a worldview... what matters most is me. What happens to me, how I feel, how things work out for ME.

Call me selfish... but I think that is the way for everyone. We are the star player in our own lives. We think from our own thoughts and we choose from our own will. Everything around us is played out in our minds in relation to our self.

Of course we care for our loved ones. Of course, if we are inclined to do charity, we will care for it... according to OUR worldview of real life. And if we choose not to do evil, that is also most excellent according to me, myself and I.

You see, it is true that I do not understand.
Therefore, I do not know if I have faith.
Therefore, I do not know if I have it in me to Trust Him and believe that this waiting, although excruciatingly painful will lead to something that I will think is truly wonderful.

And then the biggest question yet that keeps coming back again and again... Is there a God?
When I wrote the last post, I expressed my doubts... that evening, I prayed (to God) and repented about those words. This morning... the question popped out again.

Is He there and simply being maddenly silent? or
I was wrong and He simply never was.

6 impossible things

There is no use trying... said Alica; "One can't believe impossible things." "I dare say you haven't had much practice," said the Queen.

"When I was your age, I always did it for half an hour a day. Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast!"

Lewis Carroll


My six impossible things.

1. I will get a job that pays a lot better than my previous and start working within a week of putting up this post.

2. I will become a millionaire (in USD terms) within 2 months of putting up this post.

3. I will own a huge mansion with acres and acres of land in under 1 year of putting up this post.

4. I will lose 18 kg in a healthy way within 1 year of putting up this post.

5. I will suddenly speak in languages and be able to understand and converse fluently in all languages of the world within 2 years of putting up this post.

6. I will be able to do ALL 5 things above in reality... not in dreams or nightmares.

*chuckles*

Just my way of cheering myself up....

My pains

It pains me to say that since my last post, to my horror, I am still unemployed.

I am starting to wonder just what went wrong. I have the correct qualifications and plenty of interviews considering... just no job offers. I have had so many 2nd interviews that have ended either with a rejection or silence that I am really losing hope.

My faith and is badly shaken. I am very very puzzled. I question and wonder why things seem to be going wrong for me continuously. I have tried telling myself that it is at Gods time and his plan... but it doesn't help the way I feel.

I have kept on applying for jobs, going for interviews and generally doing the things that I know how to do.

Today, a friend has a sort of cell group coming over. It is her house. I do not want to meet people or to talk. I feel the cell group as an ironic and painful punishment. The thought of facing people that I do not know or feel close to is making me feel a lot lot lot lot... (you get the point) worse. The fact that it is a cell group when I feel massively let down adds oil to my unhappiness. I do not want community from people I do not know or trust.

I want good news that I can appreciate, not something I feel as pure torture. I hope my friend does not expect me to participate or talk.

Anyway, about the faith thing.... I did wonder whether in the midst of testing his people, has God actually lost them in his eagerness to test/grow them? I did the internet thing and find that there are people who have absolutely lost their faith after bad things have happened. Sometimes the damage is irreparable.

Of course, it may not be God's doing because for all I know, He does not exist.

To be perfectly logical, I do not see God in my life. I guess I expect his hand in the nice things and happenings and I have had nice things happen before... but I do not see His hand, I never did. I don't have that kind of voices in my head like some do when the say God is guiding their way. I have also never experienced firsthand having an answered prayer, like when I ask for something, I actually get it... NEVER. Wait let me think... let's be fair.... when have I ever had an answered prayer... something that I have asked God for and gotten it.... and knew that it was my prayers being answered... *blank*

Which begets the question then, why do I believe? Do I still believe?

Good question.

I have always believed, even when I was a kid. No explanation for it.

And in my current idle and extremely depressed state. My belief seems outright silly. Months upons months of prayer and more prayer... and naught. Not that there was ever anything in my own life to convince me He is there.

Other people's testimony are theirs... their testimony does nothing to improve my life. Sure I can be touched by a good testimony or an inspiring story but in reality, it does nothing that watching a good movie or cartoon can't do... and at the end of the day, I care about my life not someone else's.

Do I blame God for my perdicament? I want to but I can't. I'm not sure I believe anymore.

Instead of rationalizing that it isn't God's plan or his time... or any other convoluted thing that believers say to justify why God allows bad things to happen. It is clearer and more straightforward to accept that I am just living out the bitter consequences of my earlier action of resigning from a job I didn't like. I am responsible for my own actions and there is nothing for it but for me pull myself together, and plod on.

There is no divine hand.

look at how life has changed

I finally decided to take a break from work. By this, I meant that I resigned from work without looking for another one, stayed at home to just rest and do whatever it is that I want to do.

It felt really good in the very beginning because I finally had enough sleep. I finally had no deadlines looming and no responsibilities, no work related worries in the back of my mind that bugged me. For once in a very long time, I was free from all the mental and psychological shackles that bound me.

I believe that sometime in the future I will look back at this time at thank god that he gave me this time of rest because he was preparing me for something. He was giving me this lull for a reason. I could read the books I wanted to read, watch all the anime that I want, sleep all I want, play all the games that I want.

I also started to study the Bible a lot more, listened to sermons online and perhaps gotten to know the LORD a little better. Whilst I don't like to physically be at church and be subjected to all the hugs and handshakes from people that I do not know, I do want to be part of the sermons and worship.

I find it wierd that people are suddenly so friendly to everyone because it is church and then pretend that they do not exist after. I have also seen the examples from a friend that has walked the same path before and later get burnt out by doing too much "services" to the church. Well, churches are made of people and people have all sorts of agendas.

Of course, this is not that churches are bad. They are excellent places for community, service and worship as they should be. But like any other organization, they are subjected to the vagaries of a human organization.

For the moment, I prefer online sermons and worship rather than the physical ones. I'd rather not have the pressure to join in more things than I am willing to do.

About my blogging preferences

I am listening to "my ding-a-ling" by Chuck Berry right now and happily chuckling along with the tongue in cheek lyrics of the song... kekeke

Yet again, I have happily forgotten about the existence of this little blog of mine with very few postings. Maybe when I have time... which is like never, I will spend some time revamping and updating this blog to make it more thematic.

I've always wanted to restructure one of my blogs (yes... indeed, I have more than one weblog) into one that is thematic in nature. I've always wanted to do a commentary type of blog... One that suits my current interests of the period instead of using this an a complaint platform.

I must say that as a blogger, I have matured in my thinking and gotten more cautious and prudent about what goes online. A couple of years ago, blogs were all the rage, governments hadn't attempted to regulate the internet and people were pretty much putting everything and anything online.... mostly for free.

Nowadays, things have changed.

Information which are useful and searchable are often now downloaded for a fee... compared to being free not too long ago. Search engines now throw up advertisements by advertisers instead of really going by the relevance of topic. The focus has gradually shifted.

In the early days, I was often blunt and honest in my other blog. Nowadays, I self censor and put on only things that I people will not find objectionable. My blog is like an online journal for myself and a few friends that know of the blogs existence. It's not something that I want to use for making a big statement.

Bloggers have been fired from their jobs, thrown into jail by the governments of today in the little area of the world in which I live. Although on the bright side, some celebrity bloggers have made a good living off their blogs, some bloggers turned politicians have made use of their "new media" power to change the status quo.

Of course in the world of new media, the biggest icon of all would be the current President of the United States, Barack Obama. His was the first campaign that was possibly won using the new media (Youtube, twitter etc).

For the moment, I will remain as a tiny spot in this online world... which suits me fine.

Wow has it been a year?

Hahahaha... I was just looking through the links on my laptop when I realised that Omigosh, I have this Blogger site that I have not updated in a long long time. Of course, I know for sure that barely anyone comes in here at all so it really isn't a big deal.

I am now taking a break in between jobs. It is a well deserved one where I can finally have some head space and not think about work at all. I really don't like the workplaces of today. Even when one is not working, it is pretty much expected that everyone can be contactable in one way or another using e-mail, sms or handphone.

The vacations of today are no longer like the vacations of yesteryear when people can go off and be uncontactable foe a week or two to rest and have fun. Nowadays, even overseas on holiday, a person can expect a few smses and urgent e-mails to attend to. It really puts a huge dampener on the enjoyment. No wonder so many of my friends are stressed out and have at one time or another taken a break or breaks from jobs. I now fully understand that this is the only time when there is absolutely no stress and disturbance.

The only thing is, I wasn't born with a silver spoon in my mouth. I need to work in order to be fed and to fulfill my obligations.

I am grateful for the break though… I just wish it could be slightly longer.

I haven't blogged here in months.

Hmm, I haven't blogged in this account for months. So why the heck am I still keeping this account? Beats me I guess.

Work has overtaken my whole life. I am struggling to get some balance.

Family wise, things are pretty much ok except for the occasional temper tantrum from my dad. He still thinks he is the "head" of the family, which is kinda pathetic because he is living off everyone else and pretty much is a charity case. His megalomania surprises me. He can drive off with JL's car without nary a word and complain to anyone who'll listen how miserably his daughters treat him... that from a man who's always been self-centered and hasn't done a decent day's work in decades. A man who'll get into debt and expect his family to pay it off. A man who never gave a cent for my education but has the gall to take money from me as if it were an entitlement.

As usual, he will make noise and complain to everyone else... and make life occasionally living hell for everyone... except for me. He does not dare to complain to me simply because if he whines, I have only one way to respond; cut off his allowance. So he toes the line when I am around which is good. Because I think in his heart of hearts... he does know. He just wants to live in denial a little longer instead of facing up to the fact that he is an abject failure.

I thank god that except for the occasional complaint, I have pretty much accepted the reality of being me. The responsibilities and the obligations.

Jubes

Moving on yet again

My life since the last post has taken on a surreal quality to it.

The new job has since become an old one and I am currently looking for a new position. I am really surprised at how people who are seemingly experienced professionals can behave in a way that can only be described as totally nonsensical. There is no closure for me but I will move on as fast as I can without dwelling on stuff.

Oh well, I guess people who dish out don't receive their just desserts well and will do things for petty revenge + whatever odd thing that goes on in their minds. I am not totally innocent. I can be horribly vindictive when wronged but in this situation I have taken the tough decision to be as honorable as poosible.

Personally, I am prone to mood swings but S says that I am merely human and I need time to heal. Drats. And I had thought that insofar as work is concerned, I have become close to superhuman.....

My social life has been reduced to the minimum. Friends have been kind enough to cheer me up but I guess, I do need to mope a bit. Being too strong takes a toll on the spirit.

:)

Updates on my life

Hmmm…. So what has been new in my life?

I FINALLY had a breather at work. I finally had weekends where I could sleep. Of course, it was achieved at a price. I finally blew up at the boss.

Why did I do it? Because I could, and because I decided to mirror his actions that I found offensive, albeit in an unexpected way.

Sighz…. People who dish out at others can’t take their own medicine, and I certainly don’t want to point it out too blatantly.

Of course, it was very childish of me. I had thought I had tamed that unpredictable streak of vindictiveness. Apparently not. Stress + lack of sleep + unreasonable demands + people not keeping their word = release of my wicked doppelganger. MAJOR SIGHS…

And I feel a bit guilty about thinking that well, the shock to the system was well deserved… and I feel guilty about NOT feeling guilty. *gasp* God help me tame this vindictive streak of mine. I scare myself sometimes at my potential for evil. I apologized for the action to the boss of course, I have no excuse, but he got my message that I am not budging on the unreasonable timelines and “arrows” thrown at me in public. What, do I look like a doormat to you?

Of course the same unpredictable streak is also responsible for my bursts of unexpected genius. Whether or not it was acknowledged, I dunno. But I am fully aware that I have saved some arses at work.

My friends ask whether or not I fear for my job… Surprisingly, no. While my actions were childish, they were justified and far more effective than a simple feedback. My OB markers at work have been carved into the hippocampus of my boss.

It helps that money isn’t all that important to me… *gasp!* Could that be true?

Surprisingly yes!!!!! All the years of meticulous planning and saving on my part have given me a safety net.

Go figure. this isn't like me.

STOP harassing me you Lesbo/Butch

Ahem, I only just realised this morning something about what the lesbian/Butch (henceforth to be known as LB) said. She told me 2 days ago that she found out about my resignation through my blog. Heck? how'd the hell did she know that? My open blog said nothing about me leaving at all.

Being the supremely dumb person at the time, I thought that someone had blabbed and naturally, I didn't like that. Anyway, this morning... EUREKA! ... or more truthfully... SHITTTTEEE!!!@#!#@!#@! it hit me... the LB had found her way into this blog.... my "closed" blog where only my closest friends are told to come. Dammit... dammit dammit...

But wait a minute, why not turn it into my own advantage? I mean, I certainly can't tell the LB off in person in full view of my soon to be ex-colleagues and good friends. And, while I want to get my point across, I am not mean enough to turn LB persona-non-grata in her own workplace lest it comes back and hit me as bad karma. At least... NOT YET.

So here is the unvarnished truth. If LB had indeed found her way here and is hurt by my words, so much the better. At least, she will bloody well know to stop harassing me and leave me alone.

1. I am NOT GOOD FRIENDS with LB
2. I am NOT CLOSE to LB. That's only wishful thinking on her part.
3. I don't like LB. She is creepy and wierd.
4. I don't like LB. I think she is either a lesbian or a sex-change operation wannabe.
5. I don't like LB. She keeps making passes at me although I have told her to "Fuck off"
6. I hate LB for making use of our mutual friend to try to get close to me. My views have not changed. I do not want to go out with you. I do not want you to "treat" me to dinner, I do not want to travel with you and most certainly, I do not want to keep in touch with you after I leave.
7. I also do NOT want to play internal mail tag with LB. STOP sending me "gifts" via internal mail. I don't want anything from you, NOT software, NOT french movies, NOT Cirque du Soleil stuff... NOT anything.
8. I want LB to leave me alone. She is scary.
9. I will delete and block LB once she is no longer my colleague.
10. I will remove her from my MSN, My e-mail as well as my phone. I will also not answer any of her calls and sms.
11. I want LB to stop harassing me. Isn't it clear that I am only trying to be professional and politically correct at work but I really really don't want to have anything to do with her at all?

LB, if you do not cease and desist... and you keep harassing me either directly or through our mutual friends... Even if it is something I will not want to do, I will personally see to it that everybody will know and think that you are some kind of whacko homosexual stalker... from your department to my department to wherever. So stop it. I am leaving.

Let me leave in peace... or forever suffer the consequences.

A Time for Action

For those of you close enough to me to know about this particular blog, instead of the more ‘open’ one at MSN Spaces, I am finally moving on with my life.

Yeah, I have a new job offer. One that I suspect is bigger than anything that I have done so far. One with a motley of opportunities both for earnings as well as for learning... ok, ok and in Bushfield's words.... performing.... Cheh... like I am a performing monkey liddat....

But, I digress.

I will miss my colleagues that have in the last few years become friends.
I will miss my gym and swimming kaki's
I will miss the people that I bitch to on MSN about work and the world in general.
I will miss the family like ambience in my current place.

Doing paperwork all the time is not for me. Writing minutes is the most tedious and boring job to do. But, I do it a lot. I also 'force' and 'manipulate' others for unpopular initiatives that "Waste Important Time". While I have no buy in myself, what real moral grounds do I have to make others do so. But do it I did and leading by example, I tried. I did well, but I absolutely hated it and it made me miserable. I realised that in my small way, I do have the strength of will to make people do things, but I would rather they choose to follow me than to be coerced into it. Forcing people to do things that they don't like and does not benefit them takes a chunk out of me emotionally.

I guess in a nutshell. I think my job is damned tedious and boring BUT I like the people and environment.

So I must go. Like a big fish that has outgrown its pond, I must swim on to a river and mayhaps to a bigger lake. I have outgrown this place, with it's friendly smiles and laid-back people, it's all good but job wise, I am unfulfilled. If I am honest with myself, I have too much spare capacity. Not so much in terms of time... but plenty to spare in terms of brain juices and abilities.

Life has its trade-offs, of course, I am trading stability and comfort (and boredom) for exciting new opportunities that come with higher risks (and better pay!).

And so... I go.

Friday Beach Party

4th August 2006

In all honesty, I have absolutely no idea what possessed me to agree to a night out with S. Firstly, the fact that it was a corporate function for a financial company would have set my alarm bells ringing, which in fact, it did. Next, there was the dubious fact that I needed to turn up only at 8.15pm on a Friday night. Alright, ok. I made myself go because I felt that I was getting a tad bit too hermetic, even for my own liking. Plus, I needed to make new friends anyway.

So there I was… waiting with S in front of Spizza at Harbourfront, wishing for the life of me that I hadn’t agreed to come. It was almost 9pm and her friend C had only just reached. Great… so there were supposed to be 5 of us and the 2 hosts. That makes it 7 people squeezed into a tiny car. God bless *dripping sarcasm*. It didn’t help that the ladies were all dressed up for a party, when all S said to me was, yeah, sandals are fine… when I specifically told her that I was going to wear a T-shirt and culottes. Oh well, I guess I knew the implied dress code for the beach party, but in my own way, simply refused to conform to it.

The trip into Sentosa went well, considering that the security guard merely waved us in despite being able to see us 6 ladies and our “pimp” (I am going to refer to C*****n as this henceforth) squeezed in the car. Tanjung Beach itself looked good. The live band was from Wala-wala at Holland V, so the quality was never in question. The bar didn’t stinge on the drinks. The bourbon tasted like bourbon… not some watered down version and they did indeed serve decent bubblies… (champagne).

By right, all should be fine and dandy, except for the sinking feeling in my stomach. I really really don’t enjoy social situations… urgh… I hate them in fact. My back was aching from sitting hunched over the PC for too many hours on end, I was very tired and wanted nothing more than to crawl into my bed to sleep.

Still, I was a good sport. I mingled around, met a couple of fund managers from all over, chatted people up… mostly with the men and boozed aplenty. I think I overdosed on the booze a little. I had maybe 2 bourbon cokes and several.. 5… or was it 6 glasses of champagne that night, way more than usual. I must have been high for I found myself being literally dragged to the dance area by the pimp. He kept stressing that humans are social creatures… and seriously, although I agree with that statement, I also know that humans must be comfortable before they can be sociable. Halfway through, my senses kicked in and I decided enough was enough. Dancing was not my thing… neither was the night life thingy.

Strangely enough, I had more conversations after that… with more men, again mostly fund managers and dealers. Go figure… anyway, most of them were pretty decent and could carry a conversation. I reckon things weren’t so bad…. Until I met E****d. Ugh. Now, that guy was a nightmare came true. Man, I was actually enjoying my conversation with this guy M**k on his job at U** when E****d came along with stinky fingers who tried to feel me up. Yikes!

Come on, it’s not as if he was a hunk. Personally, if I wasn’t so polite, I’d say he was a sorry looking sod. But there he was, with his thinly veiled propositions and sexual innuendoes. I rather think he was trying to get laid that night… Ugh.. distasteful to the extreme.

Still, I can be a class act when I choose to be. I simply pretended to be an idiot and not get his meaning.

All in all, it was a good night. It opened my eyes to a number of things which I had forgotten existed, simply because I kept away from it. And once realized… I know that I will keep away from such people even more.

As I did get home in the wee hours of the morning, my resolution to wake up early to go for a morning jog basically didn't work out. I didn't even wake up until 11am. even then it was to do a bit of my chores, buy my brunch and "plop"... back to bed I went. I finally managed to haul my ass back home in the late afternoon. Still, it wasn't all bad. I did drink a whole bottle of water before sleeping so I didn't suffer from too much of a hangover... merely an extended bout of sleepiness and a loose bladder. *hahaha*